he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't special order awesome
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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