Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
