My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
