using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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