My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize