are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
