pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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