Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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