Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
