i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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