I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
