it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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