I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
