weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
