When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
