I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
