For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
