Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
