Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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