The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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