It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
