I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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