Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
