All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
