Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
