I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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