Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
