hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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