Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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