Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
