If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
