mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
