How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
