What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
