Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
