hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
