did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
