I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
