Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
