I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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