I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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