I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
