I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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