babies were throwing up all over the place
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How naked do you want me to be?
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