He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize