When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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