Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
