are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
