Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
