she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
