So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
3pm strippers are depressing
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
