I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
