I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
