I'm drive I can fine osifer
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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