all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
