Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
