I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize