You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
