ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
