Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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