I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
