Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
