I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the liver wants what the liver wants
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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