I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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