I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
