well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
