the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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