omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
