The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
