She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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